Don Palabraz

The Honda Center of Anaheim played host yesterday to some pretty big name speakers for a “Get Motivated” seminar. As the above photo shows, conservatives Colin Powell, Rudysaurus Giuliani, Condoleezza Rice and Olympian Michael Phelps were among those present for the event. Now, despite being sent a mailer for the Get Motivated seminar, I like many others had to roll out of bed slightly unmotivated to start another day of work. (And as the wisdom of the late George Carlin teaches, if you’re motivated enough to go to a motivation seminar, fuck it, you don’t need it. You’re already motivated!) However, a special donpalabraz.com correspondent attended and filed the following brief summaries:

Colin Powell: Spoke on how not to let professional blunders – like presenting a pack of lies to the UN security council leading to war – affect our motivation as we continue along our career path. After all, who is yapping about WMD’s in Iraq anymore?

Rudy Giuliani: “America’s Mayor” gave a stirring address on how to stay motivated in beating a political point to death. Nearing the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks? Who says it’s too in the past to base an ever withering sense of political viability on. Nine years of being a one-trick pony is tough, but persevere! Stay motivated. 9/11, September 11th, 9/11. Repeat it like a mantra. Security, Security! After all, the Christmas would be bomber had flammable chonies! This one’s not going anywhere…

Michael Phelps: The only true speech of value. The most decorated Olympian gave pure words of wisdom on how to stay motivated after taking a big bong rip of the purple kush! Yes, your body may feel as if it has been taken down a whole notch and you may be inclined to sit on the couch watching five movies in a row on TBS, but…fuck it do it anyway! Now, that’s motivation!